- Written by Tara Nadia Roscoe, RN
- Published:
Breastfeeding was so important to me as a first-time mom! I am a mother of identical twin daughters, now 13 years old. They are our only children, and I thank God for them every day. I love being a mom and take pride in parenting, but my breastfeeding experience was anything but successful. I’m going to share my experience with you and the breastfeeding tips I learned working in the NICU that I wish I had learned as a new mom. I became a nurse six years after I had my daughters, and started working in the NICU shortly after. It was a wonderful experience, and I gained so much knowledge in my three and a half years in the NICU.
Before Working in Healthcare
When I had my twin daughters, I knew nothing about breastfeeding other than what I watched on TV, read about in books, or was described by my friends. I knew one person who had a difficult time breastfeeding, and I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I didn’t think to ask why she had difficulty or what she wished she had done differently. I figured I would be one of those moms whose breastfeeding would just come naturally, and it would just happen for me.
I don’t remember receiving a lot of breastfeeding education. I remember a lactation consultant coming into my hospital room and going through the motions with me. I remember her saying, “If you need help, let me know.” That was it. I don’t remember seeing her again.
I had an emergency C-section because of my blood pressure. I was 37 weeks, which is a blessing for twins. My daughters came right to my room and did not have to go to the NICU. However, I remember I was so exhausted and weak. The lactation consultant very well could have come back into my room, but I just don’t recall. I remember that I loved having my daughters, but also waiting for someone to tell me what to do next.
The nurses, for the most part, were great, and they gave me a lot of direction, and so did my parents. But when it came to breastfeeding, the most important task for me at the time, it was as if no one really cared as much as I did, and I didn’t know how to advocate for myself, or that I was even supposed to. My girls were born at 4 lbs and 4 lbs 11 oz. They were too weak to breastfeed in the hospital, or so I thought.
The Experience I Was Supposed to Have
I dreamt about being a mom since I was a little girl. I envisioned how my experience was supposed to be, and it turned out to be anything but what I had imagined. My parents were such strong advocates for breastfeeding. They talked about the antibodies that were good for the baby and how much breastfeeding benefits the mother’s health. Of course, I wanted to do what was best for my daughters and ensure they had the best healthy start in life.
Unfortunately, my husband and his family did not share these same values, and as a result, I did not receive the support from him that I thought was just a given. When we got home, I tried to breastfeed them, and they would just cry and cry because they were hungry and not getting any milk. My husband did not tolerate their crying. So I pumped and pumped and pumped. It was exhausting. When you have twins, everything is doubled, including your time. I would pump and feed them both a bottle. After feeding them, it was time to change their diapers and put them back to bed. By the time they were asleep, it was time to pump again. I felt like a pumping machine. I did this for six weeks.
I am not a breastfeeding expert by any means. When I worked in the NICU, I latched on to our lactation consultants and tried to learn as much as I could from them, but they are the experts. I will share 5 things I wish I knew about breastfeeding that will set the foundation for your success.
1. Stick Up for YOUR Family, Not Your Extended Family
In fairness to my husband, as young parents, we had a lot of pressure thrown at us from our families as to what parenting should look like. Many opinions were coming from all sides about our roles and what decisions we should make as a family. We were both very loyal to our parents, and their opinions were way too important to each of us at the time. That’s not to say that our parents weren’t well-intentioned; they were. They were trying to give us advice to make our lives easier. However, it ended up driving a wedge between me and my husband.
Just in case no one has ever told you this, which I’m guessing is most of us, your family consists of you, your spouse, and your child and/or children. It is NOT your parents. They are now the extended family.
After almost 18 years of marriage, the best advice I can give you is to learn how to stick up for each other. Here are some things to consider:
- Honoring your parents and obeying your parents have two different meanings.
- When your parents’ advice turns into controlling opinions, coupled with emotional punishment for not making the decisions they made as parents, this is now toxic to your marriage and your family.
- Recognizing this behavior and putting a stop to it right away by showing your loyalty to your spouse will profoundly impact your family’s mental health.
- A birth plan can help.
2. Prioritize a Birth Plan
A birth plan is just a plan between you, your spouse, and your provider detailing what you want your experience to look like. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Sit down and have an honest conversation about what you think your experience will be, what your expectations are of each other, and the birthing experience itself. Come up with a game plan that you can unite on. Speak with your provider about your birth plan. They can tell you whether your expectations are realistic, how to carry out your plan, and/or offer any needed advice.
Fun fact: Part of your birth plan can be limiting your visiting hours. Your nurse and healthcare team will advocate for you. If you and your spouse or partner have to emotionally prepare for a family member to visit while in the hospital, or wherever you choose to have your baby, you need someone to stand guard for your family. Please tell your nurse, nursing assistant, doctor, or someone! I used to know a wonderful woman who worked in housekeeping at the hospital and patrolled for families all the time. There are plenty of people who will help you in this area. Healthcare staff are equipped to handle difficult family members. Don’t carry that stress alone when you don’t have to.
I can tell you from a nurse’s point of view that when a patient tells me they don’t want someone to visit or they want visitors to leave, it’s like a mission for us! Nurses LOVE being protectors. It’s in our nature. If you go to the nursing station and tell them you have a difficult family member, we will go to bat for you and your family.
3. You Are Your Own Best Advocate
Between feeling exhausted from lack of sleep, hurting from my C-section, and the heartbreak I felt about not being able to breastfeed my daughters, I became emotionally paralyzed. Everything was just a fog in my brain. I was in survival mode. I did not take advantage of the resources available because I didn’t know enough to ask about them or how to advocate for myself.
One thing I loved about being a NICU nurse was the opportunity to educate moms about breastfeeding and how to advocate for themselves. The first question I asked every mom I knew who was interested in breastfeeding was, is breastfeeding important to you? Oftentimes, that one question would cause moms to well up with tears in their eyes because one of two things was usually true: 1) they felt like a failure because they weren’t succeeding and/or 2) they were not being heard by someone, whether that was their OB nurse, the lactation consultant, or a family member.
The best advice I can give you as a nurse who is also a mom is to speak up. Your experience of motherhood is your experience and no one else’s. If you are not getting the education you need from your nurse or lactation consultant, don’t wait for them to say something. You will never get to have this experience with your child again, and if you wait for them to take you by the hand and tell you everything you need to know about breastfeeding, I’m sorry to say, this may not happen.
I want to say from a nurse to a new mom, I truly am sorry if this is the case. If your nurse is short-tempered and rude to you after you ask the same question more than once because you’re so exhausted you don’t remember if they already went over that education, I am sorry for their behavior. If your lactation consultant only visits your room one time or not at all, and no one asks you if you need help after you tried time and time again to get your little one to latch, I am truly sorry. This should not be. Unfortunately, the reality of healthcare today is high turnover and short staffing, and with that sometimes comes a lack of empathy. That’s not your fault!
Now is NOT the time to care about the feelings of your caretakers. If you want to breastfeed, now is the time to be assertive. If your nurse cannot help you for whatever reason, ask for someone else who knows what they’re doing. It’s time to put your mama bear hat on and advocate for yourself and your baby. If you have a good support system in your life that will do this for you, that is amazing! But for those of us who were expecting to have a support system, and have come to realize you do not, or you know you do not have support going in, it’s your right to receive the education needed to successfully breastfeed.
4. The Right Information Will Give You the Right Results
Breastfeeding takes stamina. As a new mom, you’re exhausted and hurting from childbirth. Your baby wakes up every two to three hours to eat and have their diaper changed. If you’ve had a C-section, it can take up to two weeks for your milk supply to come in! Wish I had known that when I was a new mom.
Here is some education from the La Leche League:
“Milk supply usually reaches its peak around four weeks after birth, with most of the increase happening in the first two weeks. If not enough milk is removed during this time, your breasts may end up making less milk than your baby needs. It may be possible to increase milk production by removing more milk from your breasts. The earlier you start this, and the more energy you put into it, the higher your chances of making more milk. Even if more time has passed, it may still be possible to increase your milk production to some extent, but unfortunately, there is no guarantee of being able to make a full milk supply.”
The La Leche League has an abundance of information. I encourage you to read content from the United States, but also from La Leche League International, because it represents a lot of different cultures and ideas about breastfeeding that may resonate with you.
I used to tell my moms in the NICU that if breastfeeding is important to you, you have to push past the exhaustion. If you’re losing heart because you feel like you’re putting so much effort in and not seeing any results, keep going. It can take a while for your milk to come in, especially if you’ve had a C-section. I wish someone had kept nudging me and encouraging me not to give up. That’s why I’m writing this post, to encourage you to stay in the marathon.
The importance of skin-to-skin or Kangaroo Care is another technique I wish I had known about. It seems to me that other cultures grasped this concept much sooner than the United States, but I don’t remember this being pushed here until recently. I’ve had conversations with other moms my girl’s age (13) and they agree. I also think it depends on the hospital. In any case, I’m talking about it now! Skin-to-skin means undressing your baby down to their diaper and putting them on your bare chest, mom or dad, and covering you both with a blanket or covering for an extended period of time. For new moms, this helps with breastfeeding.
Skin-to-skin stimulates a hormone called Oxytocin, commonly referred to as “the love hormone.” Oxytocin plays many roles, but for breastfeeding, the Cleveland Clinic describes it best:
“Once your baby is born, oxytocin promotes lactation by causing contractions of the myoepithelial cells in the alveolar ducts of your breasts. These contractions move milk through your breast tissue. When your baby sucks at your breast, oxytocin secretion causes the milk to release so your baby can feed. As long as your baby keeps sucking, your pituitary gland continues releasing oxytocin.”
I can’t tell you how many nurses I’ve been on shift with in the NICU watching mothers do skin-to-skin care with their babies and commenting to one another, myself included, I wish I could have done that with my baby. It is one of the most rewarding experiences as a NICU nurse to be able to help mothers perform skin-to-skin care. It is a wonderful stress reducer for both mom and baby, and the joy it brings to mothers is invaluable.
I want to briefly mention that there are supplements you can take to help with your milk supply. Ask your lactation consultant or healthcare provider for details.
5. You Are A Warrior
After I had my daughters, I went to their first follow-up pediatric visit. Fortunately, I had a pediatrician who was also a mother of twins. She could tell I was sad and overwhelmed and about to cry. I expressed my concerns about not being able to breastfeed, and honestly, I don’t remember what she told me other than not to worry about it. But I do remember her looking at me and saying, “You just had twins, you are a warrior.” That was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment. It was enough for me to walk out of that office holding my head up and feeling hopeful again.
So that is my message to you! Whether you have one baby, two babies, or three or more babies, you are a warrior! Whether you have a vaginal birth or a C-section, you are a warrior! Whether you give birth at home, in a car, in a hospital, or wherever else, you are a warrior! Whether you breastfeed or formula-feed, you are a warrior!
I hope these tips give you the confidence to advocate for yourself and your breastfeeding experience.
Resources
Drugs and Lactation Database (LactMed®) [Internet]. Bethesda (MD): National Institute of Child Health and Human Development; 2006-. Oxytocin. [Updated 2025 Feb 15]. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK501490/
“Kangaroo Care (Skin-to-skin).” uhhospitals.Org, www.uhhospitals.org/services/obgyn-womens-health/patient-resources/pregnancy-resources/Breastfeeding-Guide/kangaroo-care-skin-to-skin. Retrieved 10 May 2025.
“Oxytocin.” My.Clevelandclinic.Org, 27 Mar. 2022, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22618-oxytocin. Retrieved 10 May 2025.
Santos-Longhurst, Adrienne. “Why Is Oxytocin Known As the ‘Love Hormone’? And 11 Other FAQs.” Healthline.Org, 12 Jul. 2025, www.healthline.com/health/love-hormone#takeaway. Retrieved 10 May 2025.