Are You Forced to Deal With Addiction?
Is there someone in your family who struggles with addiction? Unfortunately, I am very familiar with addiction. I have an addicted loved one. In the past, he has developed addictions to pain pills, weed, and most damaging, alcohol. In February of 2023, he went into diabetic ketoacidosis and was diagnosed with diabetes. Recently, doctors diagnosed him with type 2 diabetes, but it took them quite a long time to rule out type 1.
When Did It Start?
His addiction started over 20 years ago, and he was able to hide it from me for a very long time. The reason he was able to hide it from me for so long is that I was grossly uneducated about addiction. I’m embarrassed to say that I wasn’t certain what weed smelled like until I became a nurse in my early 30s. For so many years I felt trapped. I couldn’t understand what was going on. Why did the person I had known for so long suddenly become someone I didn’t recognize?
Where Are We Now?
This section is the heart of my website. My purpose is to point you to the resources that have helped me battle the storms of addiction. That is not to say that my relationship is completely restored, or that he has recovered from addiction. He still has a lot of healing to do, although he has made tremendous strides since February of 2023. But, like many of you, I am a person who finds solace in knowing why this is happening.
Family counseling played a profound role in our lives and helped us in many ways. I will forever be grateful to our second counselor Anthony Ciccone, LPCC. At that time, he was the only man in my life who stood up for me as a wife and mother, making me feel safe. He let me share my deepest fears and offered solutions. He told me that I can be two types of angry. I can be angry with no hope and let it devour me from the inside out, or I can be MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) angry.
At the time I didn’t know what that looked like, but I knew I would rather be MADD angry than let anything devour me. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m so mad at addiction that I want to do everything in my power to destroy it!
The Hard Truth
Something that has been very hard for me to accept is that addiction is not just about the person suffering from addiction. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is seeking help, you know this is not the lifestyle they want to live, and you are committed to helping them in whatever way you can, you have to swallow your pride and understand that you both have to put in the work.
Well, What Does That Mean?
It does NOT mean that it’s your fault, first and foremost. It does NOT mean that you caused the addiction or that what it’s doing to you or your family is justified. It may mean you have to set boundaries. And anyone who is emersed in this world knows that means work. It’s not natural for us to set boundaries. It weighs heavily on the soul.
The more I educate myself about addiction and relationships, the more I’ve come to realize that there is a reason I’m in this relationship. There is a reason I ignored all the warning signs from the past.
Knowledge is power, and educating yourself about all aspects of addiction is going to enable you to set boundaries. It will help you to understand why your loved one is acting the way they are and give you strategies to help your addicted loved one break free from the bondage addiction has on their life.
Seem Impossible?
This is no easy task. Emotions play a powerful role in our relationships. But understanding which emotions are genuine and which ones are controlled by addiction may just be the key to turning your emotions of anger, resentment, and bitterness toward your addicted loved one, into empathy.
When I reached the stage of empathy I learned how to control my emotional reactions to the hurtful words and actions my addicted loved one used, to manipulate whatever situation benefited him, and in turn, destroyed me.
Destroying Addiction
I have a very close friend, Kelly Daniels, LCDC, who is a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. I will be sharing her experience as an addiction counselor so look for her encouraging words in the future. When I went to her for help, she referred me to a resource she gives her patients and families. It’s a podcast called Put The Shovel Down by Amber Hollingsworth. This podcast saved my sanity! Anything you want to know about addiction, you’ll find here.
About Amber
Amber is a uniquely wonderful person. Here are her credentials: Amber is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), a Licensed Addiction Counselor (LAC), and a Master Addiction Counselor (MAC). She graduated from Clemson with a Master’s Degree in Counseling. She has been working with individuals and families struggling with addiction since 2004 and has worked as an inpatient counselor in every level of outpatient care. She has a passion for the work she does and considers herself a “defense attorney” because she is able to see things from the addict’s point of view.
I encourage you to read her backstory because it is truly remarkable. Her credentials are not the only thing that makes her qualified to speak into people’s lives regarding addiction. Her mother died from meth, her father was an alcoholic, and her Mimi (paternal grandmother) was an alcoholic, to name a few. She is the most warm, loving, kind-hearted person I’ve had the privilege to listen to on YouTube. She has become a staple in my life. I recommend her to anyone I can. She has a warm southern accent which just makes everything sound better!
Finding Support is Imperative
One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to find a community of people who know exactly what you’re going through. Amber has a Facebook group called Put the Shovel Down and it’s amazing. She goes live on Facebook, answers questions, and has new topics each time. She sometimes has guests that join her who are recovering addicts or who work with family members with addicted loved ones. I used to find comfort in listening to her YouTube channel in my car, one of the only places I could breathe because I could be alone. Her love for people struggling with addiction overflows to her audience and offers hope. I encourage you to join her email list, and I’ll provide an E-book of her resources below.
I hope you find tremendous value in this post. I hope this is the beginning of a positive change in your life and the nugget of hope your heart has been yearning for.
Other Resources
Mom Bomb: If you are a mom in crisis click here to find out more information about how Mom Bomb can help in your time of need. Help support families knowing that 100% of the profits from Mom Bomb’s all-natural bath and shower products go to providing services for families in crisis.
SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) For Help Finding Treatment (800) 622-HELP (4357) FindTreatment.gov
Help Resources: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Free and confidential support for people in distress, 24/7. Call or Text 988.
National Help Line Treatment referral and information, 24/7. (800) 622-HELP (4357)
Disaster Distress Helpline Immediate crisis counseling related to disasters, 24/7. 1 (800) 985-5990